How to get over the death of someone you love

A friend asked me today, "How do you get over the death of your mum?". She had just lost her grandpa a couple of months ago whom had practically brought her up. She suddenly felt very lost and alone and thought no one could understand her unless they went through it.

I told her,"You won't ever get over it. You just have to come to terms with it."

I don't think anyone ever gets over the death of a loved one. You can get over a break-up, you can get over a lost wallet, you can get over the fact you're no longer 20 or a virgin. Just not over death. What do you think? At least on my part I could never.

I guess the best remedy to healing that hole in the heart is to never try replacing it. It's like replacing your dead pet with a new one of the same breed and calling it the same name as your last one. It is only as real as the smile on a clown's face.

My road to healing was to repay her love and kindness forward. To do the things that would make her proud. To finish or in my case continue the things she wasn't able to carry on doing, like taking care of my brother. Making sure he gets the kind of love and guidance that she might have given. I am still on that road.

I would be lying if I said all these were easy. To live up to my own expectations and to understand. Even then I still cry at her grave every death anniversary and I will not miss visiting her grave on her birthday anniversaries. It is like my way of telling her and myself, "Mummy you are not forgotten".

It is important, I emphasize,to NEVER give in to your despair and dwell in it forever. Don't take the easy way out and give excuses for your bad decisions. Understand that healing takes time and rather than keeping quiet, talk to someone who has been through it, cry if you have to but do the things that would have made them happy and proud of you.

With that, I end with explaining the significance of the picture above that means so much to me. It was taken during my 21st birthday at a chinese restaurant and for that particular day in vivid memory, my mum was more eager than usual to take a picture with me. It was like she was afraid that time was running out for her and she wanted to make sure that before she left she wanted me to have the most recent picture of us together. It was somewhere in October 2005, about 5 months after we found out that she was at the last stage of lung cancer.

It was a battle she fought longer than the doctors thought she would. On November 23rd of 2006, the saddest morning of our lives, my sister, brother and I stood by her bedside as she took her last breaths. Farewells has got to be the hardest thing in life.

12 Roses and a diamond ring.

26 December 2010 shall be a Sunday that I'll remember for years to come. The moment where he knelt and professed his love with tears in his eyes will be a memory etched so deeply in my heart forevermore.

I guess I have to tell you the whole story of the day it happened.

I packed my overnight bag in preparation for a 'chalet' that he said was organized by his ex-classmates. This he kinda told me a more than a month ago, so even though I had a rather funny feeling or perhaps an instinct you may call it, I asked myself, "could it be that he was going to propose to me that day?". However, everything else was normal and there wasn't any other giveaway so I just shrugged off that feeling.

A week or 2 ago he told me that before the chalet we had to head down to scarlet hotel to attend a friend's wedding anniversary celebration and I didn't think anything of it. That was a good trick to ensure that I was dressed appropriately for what he had planned for the evening!!

So that Sunday I went for a hairwash in the morning and since he wasn't going to pick me up, I took my time and he sent me a message and told me not to take too long! How I regret I didn't hurry abit more since it meant more precious time in our lovely room later on!

So we met at the hotel lobby and he told me the couple were getting ready in the room first so we could have some drinks and snacks as it was on his friend's tab. I didn't think much about it when he paid for the bill and told me his friend would reimburse him later on.

Then, he said he'd head to the counter to check out something and when he came back, there was a bouquet of roses in his hand and the little box bearing the ring! He went down on his knees, tears welling in his eyes and told me that even though it took him awhile, he is certain that he wants to grow old with me, that he promise to love me and take care of me for the days and years to come. I felt really touched but at the same time I had to admit I was really disappointed! I've always told him that I wanted a romantic surprise proposal so I would have a story that I would be proud to relate to our children and then our grandchildren because they would find it so romantic! It makes me sound like such a terrible person but right after that moment he put on the ring for me, in my head I was asking myself, "so this is IT??" I was so deeply disappointed but of course I couldn't hurt his feelings so I pretended like I was ok with it. Even when I took a picture with my bouquet and all I felt like my smile was so forced and not the least bit genuine! Haha!

I felt so bad for both myself and him I felt like I needed a smoke real bad at that moment and we stepped outside. He then said we should hurry as we should head to meet his friends for the dinner already. While catching some fresh air outside he could sense my disappointment and told me, 'don't worry ok baby? I still love you alot and the 12 stalk of roses represents 12 months a year and for everyday of each month I will love you still'... somewhere along those lines..

So he took out a room key and said his friend passed one to him and we headed to look for "them" in the room. Upon reaching the room door he even commented,"howcome its so quiet, where's everybody??' What a cunning stunt!haha His key for some reason did not work and I asked,'why dun you call your friends?' and he said it's ok he'll check with the receptionist. Thank god I wasn't too bright that moment so although I found it strange I didn't think too much.

Once he got it fixed he opened the door and I noticed there was no one else but us and the gorgeous room and he said, "I'm sorry baby looks like it's just the two of us!" I was absolutely blown away and thrilled. Nevertheless relieved that my proposal was more than what he made out to be! I literally shrieked with joy and started jumping up and down (like seriously!!) and said,'I love you I love you! thank you baby this is soo grreaattt!

He said he also made reservations for dinner and wouldn't tell me where it would be. He even did a 'cd' with his voice crooning "I wanna grow old with you". Not the best singing in the world I'd have to say but the most romantic, with the 'lyrics' pages filled with poems he wrote about me and our love.

Thank you baby for such a memorable proposal, now I can tell our children and they can pass down the stories to our grandchildren about how romantic grandpa was! I love you and I can't wait to start living our life as one.

XOXO,
Jo

pampered care bear

My $14 hair wash if feeling goooood!! Hehe right this very moment it has progressed to the massaging part.. Aaaah I could get used to this!! If only I can do this everyday like Xtine!

Dear Santa, this christmas I'm not askin for much, just make me rich so I can a $14 hairwash everyday and so I can help the poor!! Hehe

Xoxo,
Carebear

TODAY I AM BLESSED BECAUSE....

Today I am blessed because I have food on the table
Without having to beg or steal
Not having to be hungry and have no food
Food that is cooked for me while others survive on leftovers

Today I am blessed because I have shelter over my head
As with every other day of my life
Shelter that keeps me from the rain where poor people stay drenched and shiver
A home that comes with a big cosy bed
A place that keeps me safe from the outside evils of the world

Today I am blessed.
And I hope most people will be too.
That homeless and starving people are getting blessed by the good of others,
Like how I am blessed everyday of my life.

Terry Jones: Pastor or IMPOSTER (of the Devil)

Recently what hit the media like a hurricane and all over the world was news about this pastor named Terry Jones who wanted to burn the Muslim Holy book and the funniest thing he said was that the church's goal was "to expose that there is an element of Islam that is very dangerous and very radical."

What a HYPOCRITE. He should have come up with another excuse or something more convincing. Very dangerous?? How is he keeping his own Christians safe from hatred when he is taunting the millions of muslims? Who is he to judge or burn any other religions' book just because he have his own whacked beliefs? I can't believe that he is a pastor, someone whom many may look to for guidance and prayers. HOW CAN HE LEAD WHEN ALL HE SEES IS HATE??

It is people like this who makes me skeptical of believing in any religion. DONT GET ME WRONG, I JUST DON'T TRUST THE PEOPLE THAT REPRESENT! For me, I do not comprehend certain thoughts or rules that religion practice but I always respect that people have the right to choose what they want to believe or practice. I look at it from a cultural perspective. As with religion, people of different races have different practices, some a little weirder than others but it doesn't give us the authority to mock them or to think that we are better than them. We should accept that we are just different.

With a moment of Hate, creates a moment of Folly and when the emotion of hate blinds people, they do things that are way out of logic. Every religion have had bad people doing bad things but I am sure that it is not what their religion preaches and encourages. I believe most religions teach promotes good behaviours like not cheating on your spouse, not to be greedy and to help those in need. The worst ones are those that use religion as a cover, whenever it feels convenient to so call bring justice to their actions. All these are bullshit and I feel that followers of religious leaders have to be logical and not just follow their guidance blindly. THERE ARE MILLIONS WHO ARE HOMELESS OR DO NOT HAVE THE BASIC NEEDS LIKE SHELTER AND FOOD. Those are the issues we should really concentrate and act on.

Love: The 7th year itch

Is it true that in love, there is something called the 7th year itch? If it is true indeed, I must be feeling it today. Lots of it.

It started when I asked my boyfriend to do me a favor: which was to pick up some traditional malay clothes from our mutual friend's house as I had to wear it to his house tomorrow since it was Hari Raya. He would have been off work half day today and I was to finish only at 8.30pm and wanted to hit the gym after. He did not want to and I guess on my part I should try to understand as he probably had much to do at home like help his mom prepare for the festive period. It was almost 1am and he called me to do a favor to pay for some minor stuff as he left his internet banking equipment and it couldn't wait till tomorrow. I felt agitated since he didn't want to do me a favor earlier on and now he is only calling me when he need mine. What a selfish bastard right?

Times like this I feel like I deserve better and suddenly listening to his impatient voice over the phone turned a sour tune in me. JADED is how I feel. Sounds like a harsh word but I couldn't find another gentler word that could accurately describe how I feel this moment.

It worries me... the last time I felt this way ...we both felt the same and parted ways. Is there a way to not take each other for granted? Or is it inevitable since we've dated for such a long period? We're are planning to get married at the end of next year and for the very first time it scares me that I might not be ready for fear of what our future might hold. Will we last the test of time?? I wonder how many of you out there experience this. This is so not normal for me :'(

Autobiography Part 1

Flipping through the old dusty albums I started to ponder about my childhood. How much of it do I really remember or from what age do memories start to form? I do remember though that my dad was always the control freak, from how we should dress to go out to the way we walk.

My sis and I were always made to wear similar looking dresses as we were both a year apart and I grew pretty fast so we were about the same height. I guess my parents got a kick out of it cause it made people around stare at us with those adoring eyes and gush "they are so cute, are they twins?" The worst outfits were those princess looking ones in some kind of tulle material which were awfully prickly and which we hated and also that very odd umbrella hat which made us look like abandoned animals from some circus. You have to believe me it was THAT BAD!

I think times like these were the only time that me and my sis agreed on the same thing. We never really saw eye to eye on anything. I must have been the more dominant one or you could call me, 'the bully'.

This brings me to a particular memory. Our little brother Dennis must have been about 1 year old and she was tickling him on a high mattress. He was certainly enjoying it, exploding in giggles and when I walked into the room, I felt fiercely protective of him. At 13 I had that motherly instinct to stop what was going on, fearing that he might accidentally roll off that high mattress and fall to the ground. The consequences would have been unimaginable (or so I thought). I scolded my sis and told her to stop playing with him but she wouldn't listen and I raised my voice again but she paid no heed. Furious, I walked over to her and slapped her on the face. I don't know what really made me do it but it happened anyways and immediately she broke into tears and told my parents about it. My parents of course scolded me but I told them what happened and they scolded her too.

We had a love-hate relationship, or I guess its what people always refer to as sibling rivalry. I couldn't stand how childish she was and she couldn't stand me either. But I would always feel protective of her, such that if anyone were to bully her I know I'd stand up for her. Now that I'm 26 and she's 27 though, we definitely have drifted apart. Even though we live under the same roof, its strange but we can go on days or even weeks of not talking to each other. My brother and I always think she lives in a little bubble world of her own. That I will come to again when I tell you more about her.

2009 : A Glance

As I sat in solitude I started to think
The year that gone by in a wink and a blink
I chose to remember the happiest of times
The one my love said ''you'll be mine''

One with friends of a decade old
A night of memories to behold
So much laughter it invokes tears
A stronger bond with every year

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are the few significant memories that I want to hold for 2009. As we grow more and more superficial with every new mall, we easily forget the simple joy we find everyday. Joy from being with friends, joy from cooking your own food at home and cuddling on the couch. I hate how everything in Singapore is so overtly cosmopolitan, it is so easy to forget how to find joy apart from acquiring material things. Yet we beat ourselves up every single day, dragging our unwilling souls to work and hope for more money so that we can buy what we like for that little bit of superficial joy. The one that only last until the next bank statement or credit card bill. That being said though, anyone is still welcome to get me a Blackberry. hahaha =P

Mimic: Living Dead Doll, death by school

Jojo: What I want for Christmas..

• A boyfriend that would pamper me and love me for who I am
• A boyfriend who would tenderly look me in the eyes with love and kiss me and sweep me off my heavy feet. haha
  
• To hang out with my friends and them to put me before their boyfriends :P
• To try out new things other than hanging out in town n shopping every other day
• To eat and eat everything that I like without being fat
• To have a body like Megan Fox :P
• My brother to start studying harder and realize the reality of life if he doesn't
• My dad to start waking up his stupid 'get rich quick' with no hard work ideas
• My dad to kick his 4d habits and stop viewing money as the solution to everything
  
• A chanel bag, a chloe bag, a marc jacobs bag, either one or all of them.
• To rid my fear of being alone and be more independent :/
• To be able to speak espanol like penelope cruz especially when I'm angry. sounds freakin cool!
  
• To travel and see the world!!!
• For all of the above to come true..soon!
  

Jojo: My eternal pain

The death of love so silent yet sudden
I found me grieving endlessly for years
The need to answer my one thousand questions
That it may release my only pain
The pain that I may only try to understand but nought ..

Perhaps I am a sadist, fallen to the temptation of sadness
In a morbid melodramatic way, it makes my life more interesting.
Yet if it were not true, then why do I deny myself freedom?
To let go, to believe in happy endings
To believe that 'good things come to those who wait'

Alas as true as women come, I am fickle.

jojo: perfectionists are..

There is no such person called a perfectionist
Only people who want things done their way
By my own rights, I'd like to conveniently call them assholes.

:jojo: Daydream

I lay to sleep on the field of green
Feeling the air dance around me
They seem to enjoy their dance of freedom
Envy.

The butterflies on my feet
They tickle me
Teasing me with imaginations
Oh if they could carry me away

The birds chirping in the trees
Perhaps in mockery
Unrealistic dreamer
What a fool she seems

Having conversations
Like I wasn't there
Their biggest worry was where to go
The rain was coming

Like bullies throwing little stones
They hit me on my face
Forcing me to leave them pastures
Cruel rain.

::JOJO:: I Stay In Love

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby I
Try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you don't' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well'
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
Baby, baby
I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all

What I wanna do is
Ride shot-gun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block

We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone although I know..

We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well'
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do
Baby, baby
I stay in love with you

Song by Mariah Carey
Album: E=Mc2

Jojo: I want to be better

Its scary how you wake up one day, from living day to day and realize how time has pass you by. A few years gone by in a twinkle of an eye, and yet you feel left behind. You bump into people you once knew, and back then somehow you felt ahead of them.

You were young, full of hope and dreams. More than that you felt sure where your life was going, you had so much passion for life, it was like you were living in constant daylight, every road and direction so clearly pointed out.

Then things happen. As every day passes, good things, bad things, big things, small things happen. You live day to day, taking each day as it comes yet slowly but surely you were going blind. You start to lose sight about what you have in front of you. Those road signs and directions started to blur as you start seeing more of life.

Jaded. You feel like you've been in a dream, or maybe like a kid who was told santa claus doesn't exist. You felt cheated. Things don't just happen the way you want it to. That dream that once felt real now makes you feel like you were living in a world of your own imagination. Nothing but.

You got so sucked up in your vaccum of depression you almost went permanently blind. You try to convince yourself that life is not so complicated, that if you took it day by day, life would get easier. It did. For awhile....

One day, like a pair of rough bare hands that held you and shook you so hard, you suddenly started to regain your eyesight, only that you hated what you see. The place that you were at, how things were, the person you've become. Like a heart that had stopped for a moment, it started beating again. You realized that all along you knew you could have done better , been better.

Now, I want to be better.

::JOJO:: A bit of men and their bollocks. Lol

Guys who say 'I like girls without make up' are a bunch of crap. They give you that whole talk about how they're so into natural beauty I'm almost mistaken they prefer the female gender pre-evolution. Lol ok so that was a dramatic description..... but surely that statement 'I like girls without make up' is hypocrisy in it's most sublimate form.

Here's a few examples , most of which are mens' objects of desire.

Suppose you take them as strangers you meet on the street. Forget bout them being celebrities. Imagine if you were looking at the ones without makeup, would you take a second glance? Compare your answer to looking at the ones with makeup. Now... Would you take a second glance? Why? (Be completely honest ,based on your possible first reaction )















I don't think it's shallow of women to think that they look prettier with makeup, and you can't blame those that can't do without. If it enhances their natural features and make them more presentable and confident, men should appreciate and compliment women who take time to look good. I think men are mistaken that women with makeup = drag queen or porn star look. Takes ALOT of make up to look like that. Men should be more educated about that and stop making the statement 'I like girls without makeup'. It is just plain annoying!!!

If they are so adamant about appreciating natural beauty, maybe they should then start appreciating armpit hair, unruly eyebrows and overgrown *bushes*.
Crude ...but makes sense right???

::JOJO:: My new bf!!!

On a lighter note, I introduce to you..... my hunee bunss.... SEAN FARIS!!!!!

I was allowed at his shooting location today and poor chap was already exhausted when I got there, him working his 10th hour of the day. Still , being the lovely bf that he was , he obligingly posed for my camera. (Though his puppy dog eyes was a trick to get me to kiss him :P)

Here are more pictures of me darling:

Him trying to be serious.

Never for long!! :P



Last scene, 14 hour work day!! Poor Sean!!



I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now. Like I'm in a dream...
Somebody pinch me please.
Like right now.

Ouch shit. I'm delusional.
Tell me you get it. LOL :P

::JOJO:: Regrets in words.

Regrets are the worst things in life.
It means too late, should have, would have, could have been. Regrets are sad because it means something irreversible has happened and big or small, you have to live with it for the rest of your life.

I have too many... but here's a few that has the greatest impact..

The 'too late' (My biggest regret):
Not spending more time with my mum when she was still around. It's something that will haunt me forever. Everytime I think of it, the thought just induces self-loathing. Why couldn't I have sacrifice more time and shower her with all the love and attention that I could have given? Why couldn't I have stayed more by her side and comforted her in her darkest of days? Does she forgive me for all of these? I can't. Now I try to make up for it by taking care of my little brother and guiding him in life, knowing that was one of her biggest worry and I hope I'm doing her right. Alas I know making up will never be enough.

The 'could have been':
Saying no to a job contract with mediacorppress after my graduation. What the freaking hell was I thinking??!?!?!? Things might have been sweet or at least agreeable (with my paycheck) by now and I would have been moving forward steadily instead of being stranded. Now I'm currently trying to change that by looking for a better job but no luck as yet. Luck? Is that all I can depend on??

The 'should have':
Doing better in my education and realizing the possible impact on my future. Live day to day?? Yea right. Failing to plan sure knocked me hard on the head even up to this moment. If I had done better I would have had windows of opportunities open for me even till now.. Ahh the luxury of choices.


The aftermath:
Rectifying mistakes cost alot more than the prevention of. As a result, Jo's wants and needs are unfulfilled leaving her potentially sad and jaded. Have to work doubly hard to catch up and yet tread ahead with caution. :/

Moral of the story:
The little everyday decisions you make in life can contribute to being the biggest regrets you'll have later.

::JOJO:: Happiness is shortlived but..

The other day I was eating burger king and I came up with this analogy. After chomping down on my burger and onion rings like i haven't ate for days I started sulking. Then I said to my colleague, "Happiness is shortlived!".

I said that because I anticipated the whole eating process and the taste of the food so much and mostly, the joy of me eating those delicious junk . Yet as fast as my fast food came, it was gone.
Sadly, I cleared what was left of my initial happiness and was about to consider it trash when my colleague said, "hey there's one more onion ring!" So I said, "ahh! but then life is full of surprises."

Well I guess point of me saying all this is that if a person is at their darkest moments, they shouldn't despair, because life is full of surprises at every corner and turn and as much as happiness is short-lived, so is sadness. Period. :P

::JOJO:: Thai Thai (Part 2)

I miss Thailand!!!

Here are some more pictures to reminisce the sweet culture and streets of thailand.

Not forgetting the food, oh glorious food!!!!

Can't believe she can sleep like that.. in the airport's sky lounge. *rolls eyes*


Last thai meal at the airport's lounge, Not that fantastic sadly.. =(


I like the special orange juice, absolutely refreshing!!


Everywhere she goes, she has something to buy..


Can you believe it? its 20 bht!! less than a dollar to eat those lil fried bites! Tried and tested . Pretty good! Didn't get diarrhoea either. LOL.




Street hawker.. simple living can be so interesting :)






Suanlum night bazaar.



Me love the gyozas!



Having a japanese steamboat lunch..

Mine too!! Love the vintage dress.


Mine!


Serene's acquisitions! Plus Tristan's.


Our view while eating..


Happy and eager to begin dinner. Yummyyyy!!





In our tuk-tuk. The first time I sat on it, it was a little scary when he did a turn!





Waiting for our cabbie to go to SuanLum night bazaar. =)


Counterfeit Tiffany and Chanels. :P


Basking too.. total opposite from the 'rock' band! haha


Basking on the streets.. =)